Merry, Merry Men
by Asynca
Summary: Elsa decides to tell Anna how she feels about her, but her confession doesn't go as planned. (Slightly) F/F and inspired by the 'confession' scene between Mulan and Aurora in Once Upon a Time.


**Merry, Merry Men - Elsa (POV), Anna - Mostly SFW**

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By Asynca

This scene is inspired by the _Once Upon a Time _episode where Mulan goes to confess her love to Aurora.

I stole it and used it for my own nefarious purposes with Anna and Elsa.

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"Are you _kidding_ me?" Anna had said, that bright smile spread across her freckled cheeks. "Christmas is the _perfect_ time to be an Ice Queen!" No sooner had she finished that sentence, though, she'd looked completely panicked. "I mean," she correct herself quickly, "it's the perfect time to be a _Snow_ Queen. It's exactly the _wrong_ time of year to be an Ice Queen, because it's all about family and togetherness and happiness and love…"

Love, Christmas _was _about love, Elsa thought as she leaned against the balustrade and watched the fat snowflakes spin around her. Below, lamp lighters were traversing the streets, chattering to each other as they worked. The gentle light threw warmth over the snowscape below. It reminded her of Anna. _Everything_ reminded her of Anna.

She'd bought Anna a sled of her own for Christmas, with beautiful bells and ribbons and all the lovely bright colors Anna always decorated everything with. Kristoff had spent a few tense minutes inspecting it and had eventually declared it was suitable for Anna. He had tried to teach her how to drive it, but she'd just pushed him off into a snow drift and gone galloping away with Sven, whooping as she swerved all over the place. Remembering it, Elsa chuckled to herself. _Anna_.

Elsa had followed her – just in case – and watched her sister drive directly onto a frozen lake, spin across it, and then end up in a pile in a drift on the other side. "Well," Anna had said to Sven as she tried to extract herself from the snow, "That's what I call falling sled over heels!"

Even now on the balcony, Elsa had to laugh. There was nothing not to love about her sister. She was everything, every quality anyone could ever want in a person. And on top of all of those things, she was warm, and loving. Too loving at times, Elsa reflected. But maybe that wasn't such a flaw…

Loving, and beautiful. So, so beautiful. That fiery red hair, that cute splash of freckles across her nose at her cheeks, that warm and enthusiastic smile… that beautiful long neck and the gentle slope of her cleavage underneath it. Thick, full plaits that bounced against her breasts as she jogged or danced or skipped…

Elsa looked away from the snowscape and back towards her hands on the balustrade. They were gripping the white snow with knuckles that were just as white. And _that's_ where everything became difficult. Anna gave Elsa _everything_ of herself, everything that a sister would give another sister. Anything she thought Elsa wanted.

But what if Elsa wanted more than just that? What if walking arm-in-arm, playing in the snow together and leaning against each other in front of an open fire wasn't enough for her? What if what she really wanted was Anna to sneak into Elsa's big empty bed with her in the middle of the cold winter's night and slide her warm body against Elsa's? To press their cheeks together and then their lips, a fan of white and auburn hair mixing on Elsa's pillow? What if saying, "I love you," to Anna wasn't enough, what if Elsa wanted to _show_ her?

For months, she'd wanted to and she hadn't. She'd just locked herself in her room again like she had when she was a child, only opening the door when Anna was especially insistent. For months. How long was she going to do this for again? Months? Years?

"Merry Christmas, Queen Elsa!" someone shouted jovially up from the street below, a fur-lined mitten waving enthusiastically in the air. "May the next year bring you everything you wish for!"

She managed a cursory smile and waved back down at him. He looked _delighted_, and then almost sang all the way back to his house.

"Merry Christmas," Elsa whispered to herself as she watched him arrive at his door and be greeted lovingly by his wife. They embraced and wished each other Merry Christmas.

Elsa pressed her lips together. It _was_ Christmas. It was a time for love and joy and family, just like Anna had said. Maybe it was the perfect time to leave her room again. To leave her room, and find Anna. Anna _loved_ Elsa, and she was the most open, sweetest person in the world. Maybe Elsa's wasn't a lost cause. And if it wasn't, Christmas was the time to find out.

She opened the door of her room into the big cavernous hallway, having forgotten how big the space was. Her footsteps echoed off the wall as she walked along it, past the suits of armor and the dramatic and triumphant paintings on the wall. She smiled as she past them, feeling energized.

She found Anna standing in the center of the great hall, gazing up at the stained glass windows with the smile so wide her teeth and her eyes reflected the light from the many candelabras.

When Elsa opened the doors, Anna spun around and _shrieked_. "Elsa! You're _out! _You're back with us!"She came running along the floor and _threw_ her arms around her sister's neck.

Elsa couldn't help but echo Anna's smile, leaning her cheek against Anna's warm hair. Anna never left a hug quickly, either. She held Elsa there, laughing and squeezing her. Elsa let her eyes fall closed. It just _hurt_ to love someone this much. It hurt, and at the same time it felt like the most amazing feeling in the world.

"You look _beautiful_!" Anna said when she eventually released her sister. "That dress is just gorgeous. It _really_ makes you look…" She grinned mischievously and made a rolling gesture at chest-level.

"…Fuller?" Elsa offered helpfully, her heart jumping hopefully at the reference.

Anna _laughed_. "Yes!" she said, and then hugged her again. "Oh, my God. I'm _hopeless_ when I'm nervous! So! What finally got you out of your room? Was it the smell of Kristoff's gingerbread? Because I _swear_ he's going to make me fat on that stuff. It's _so good_. "

When she pulled away from Elsa again, Elsa thought she _did_ look a little…fuller… just a little, but she'd always been very thin anyway so Elsa decided it was probably healthy. She simply glowed from how healthy she looked, actually. It was wonderful.

"No," Elsa said eventually, smiling at her sister. "I didn't come down for that. I need to tell you something. Something I should have told you a long time ago."

Anna's eyes lit up as something occurred to her. "Oh, my God!"

For just one perfect moment, Elsa's spirit lifted and she thought that Anna might actually know exactly what she was going to say. For that fraction of a second, all her Christmasses came and everything in the world was beautiful.

But then Elsa realized Anna looked far _too_ excited and far _too_ elated to hear what Elsa was going to say. Even if she loved her back the way Elsa did… there were too many complications for Anna to have been that happy about it. No matter how in love you were, you were never in love enough to forget that the person you loved was your sister.

"What is it?" Elsa asked her, smile slipping. "Why are you smiling at me like that…?"

Anna looked as if she was about to explode. "I can tell you're bursting with news," she said. "But I am too and mine is a hundred times more fantastic, I promise!"

Well, what could Elsa really say to that? "Okay, you can go first…" She was probably excited about learning a new skating trick, or making a three-storey gingerbread house, or buying a new dress from–

"Kristoff and I are expecting a baby!"

For a moment, the only sound in the hall was the ticking of the huge grandfather clock.

Elsa almost couldn't process those words. She had to think about them one by one, word by word, until she was able to understand what they meant. And when she understood, she couldn't move. She was completely frozen in place, her lips slightly parted. No…

Her Anna, her beautiful Anna… It was as if a door slammed closed Elsa's chest. Closed, and stuck fast with ice. She was thirteen again and locked away forever.

Anna took her cold hands. "I know what you're going to say," Anna said, sounding a combination of excited and sheepish. "We're not even married yet. But it's okay! Look, I don't even show!" She stuck her stomach out and pushed her gown flat against it. She _didn't _show. She just looked radiant and beautiful and healthy. And she looked all of those things for Kristoff, not for Elsa.

"Anyway, so I thought we could have an _amazing_ winter wedding right here in this hall!" She turned around and waved her arm up at it. "We could even have snow in here like you said we did when we were children! People could come in furs and wool and–"

She was talking, but Elsa had already managed to turn and was walking back towards the door. There were bitter tears in her eyes and she didn't want Anna to see them. Anna was just so _happy_.

Anna stopped when she realized Elsa wasn't listening. "Elsa? Where are you going?" She sounded more hesitant.

Elsa didn't say anything, she just kept walking. Icicles formed on the floor as she stepped.

"Please don't be angry!" Anna's footsteps came running up to her. She squealed as she nearly slipped, grabbing onto Elsa's arm. "It's been _six months_, and, come on, you knew Kristoff and I were always going to get married, anyway! He's great! You _can't_ do what you did with Hans! Come on, you're going to be an aunt!"

Elsa closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the warmth of Anna's hands around her arm. Then, she shrugged them off. _Kristoff and I were always going to get married. _That… hurt more than anything else. Elsa had been _kidding_ herself. Of course Anna wanted a lovely simple life with Kristoff and not whatever would come of being in love with her sister. Of course.

Without Anna, there was nothing left for Elsa in Arendelle. Nothing except watching the love of her life live happily ever after with someone else.

"Please don't be angry with me?" Anna asked her, catching her hand again. She was just so innocent. "Please! Come on, come on. You were going to tell me something when you came in here. That was good news, right?"

Elsa stopped and half-turned towards her sister, her beautiful ice-blue robe spread out around her like a fortress. She could have told her at the moment. She would have lost nothing, and at least Anna would know.

Anna watched her hopefully, her lip quivering.

Elsa couldn't do it. "I have to go away," she said, all warmth gone from her voice. Then, she continued out of the hall.

Behind her, Anna was shouting for her. Her shouts turned into pleas, her pleas into whispers and her whispers into tears which froze on her cheeks.

It was over in Arendelle for Elsa, but for Arendelle winter had just begun.


End file.
